“So when are you having you next child?” I get this question every single time someone finds out Ellie is our only. Why must I have a second or third? Is there a law somewhere that requires me to at least try to have another? What if Ellie is all we want? Does this make a horrible person? A horrible Mom?
So what do you think?
{ 16 comments… read them below or add one }
Sounds like you have the perfect family for you. That’s a wonderful thing.
Okay, so I totally had this question posed to me yesterday when getting my hair done. “When are you going to make Dylan a big brother?” I have tons of friends that look down on people that are content with having just one child. I think it has a lot to do with what the demographic you’re surrounded by is. When we lived in Central Phoenix (read: young professionals and college students) we were the black sheep of the neighborhood for having ANY kids, let alone just one. Since we’ve moved to suburbia, and seemingly, everyone in a 10 mile radius has two if not three kids already by MY age (read: young.com.org) we’d be “crazy not to have more”…I think it’s perfectly fine to keep your family unit at 3. How much are you harming anyone if you provide environments for Ellie to interact with other kids before she gets into the school years where she’ll be around them all the time like with having a sibling??
I heart you T! Keep up your cute fam…I won’t hate on you.
what works is what works… I get the opposite reaction about having a third. People say ” but you already have a boy and a girl”…apparently everyone is supposed to have two children, no more and no less! LOL
I think most people are just making conversation. You know, looking for a common ground. Try not too take it personal and just tell them how happy you are with the one you have. We have 3 boys, and when I was pregnant with the 3rd, everyone figured I did it just to have a girl. That would have been great but I didn’t care what sex the baby was. Just wanted another one. Do what you want and works for you.
Well, you already know what I think about this. I was an only child and I would not have traded it for the world. I had dogs. I don’t ever remember asking for a brother or sister. My mom was also very good about having playdates almost every day (can you imagine?) and I didn’t “need” anything. I think that people finally actually believe us now when we say we’re not having another. I could not imagine what Dan would be like right now taking care of 2 while I’m laid up. I think he’d throw himself off a building.
I’m part of a culture where I will be totally judged for having one or two kids. Which is what I want (have one, see how it goes, have another, get hubs a vasectomy). And I hate it because I know that going into it, no matter what I do, people close to me will be all “why not sevem?”
Because seven would make me crazy. And I’m vain and I want to live a decent life. You gotta do what is best for you and your family. People are always going to judge because people are people. A lot of it is intrusive small talk too… these days I get asked all the time when I’m going to have kids and I want to snap at people sometimes, but I get that they are just trying to find common ground.
You are entitled to your choice of number of children. HOWEVER, don’t forget that they can be trained into little slaves, oops I mean HELPERS…:)
No really, I know in this day and age of entitlement and fear of parenting with discipline, my kids are an oddity. They have chores (dog poop, trash, vaccuuming, window cleaning…) and they get grounded, time-outs in public, etc. But I must say that is sure is nice when I am busy feeding the baby that my 4 yr old can change over the laundry and my 7 yr old is running the trash cans to the curb before the trucks drive away.
Stick with one, for the love of all that is good and holy!!! : ) And seriously, I need to take you out for drinks for watching Lex that day! xoxo
Hey T!!!!! You may know my situation but for those that don’t, I am a single mom. I am separated from Mason’s dad and for years as you from the time he was born I have had to answer the inevitable “when are you going to have another one?” When my answer is “probably never” i get anything from “oh you will change your mind” or “You will meet another guy you want to have children with” blah blah etc….. Truthfully? I was told I could never have children, My ex and I had submitted to that reality years ago. When Mason came along he was a blessing. i pushed my luck having him to begin with now do people really think I want to risk that again? In my case I feel it wouldn’t be fair to Mason to selfishly have disregard to my health. Medically I have a hard enough time keeping up with him, let alone pondering another one.
Like Ellie, Mason has several cousins (one of which is like a younger brother to him due to my previous living situation) and he has several of wonderful friends to keep him occupied.
Even Mason has asked me to give him a little brother or sister and told him what I tell everyone else that INSISTS I have another a child–I tell him to go talk to his father LOL.
My point here is, I have my reasons for only having one, as I am sure you have yours….and all others should just respect that.
There is no law or statistical proof that state you MUST have another child or you are doing harm by not doing so.
I came from a family of 5 children……quite frankly I like not having to worry about the youngest child or the middle child etc. I can give all my love to one and NOT feel guilty about anything else.
Ok, I have to admit that balanceguru has a good point. I could use someone to clean out my car today.
This is such a personal issue – you and your husband and ONLY you and your husband, know whats best for your family!
I’m not an advocate for one way or another (I have 10 children – and we got the constants questions about when we were going to stop having children), but I feel
that as long as you are good parents, and are taking care of your family, that no one else has the right to interfere.
I’ll get down from my soapbox now:-)
I must agree with Guru as well….I live on the second floor and Mason is the age of absolutely craving independence of being able to go places out of my sight….. “Oh Mason!! Could you please take the garbage down to the dumpster?” “Oh Mason, Mom has to do laundry (the laundrymat is right next door) If you help Mom carry it over I will let you go back to the apartment while I sort it and start it” LOL
I love you bringing this up becasue I totally relate! I am 42 and totally satisfued with one but somehow people judge that choice, like I have done something wrong. I love my life and family and it totally works for me, so there!
One is perfect! I have two. I love my two. I always thought 3 would be crazy because then we’d be outnumbered. Turns out, we are outnumbered with two because we forgot to calculate in the crazy.
That’s right. They are crazy. And little. And scrappy. And know no boundaries.
Shoot, I guess it’s my job to teach them that crap.
But I digress…
I love my two, but you are smart to have “One and done!”
So, I’m weeks behind but I gotta say, LOVE your family of 3! I totally agree….I don’t get why people think it’s bizarre to have only 1 kid. People say they’ll have social problems or be spoiled but that can happen regardless if it’s an only child, right?!
I agree that this is a personal decision and a choice that all parents have, despite the reality that of that unspoken “rule” that families are complete only when they include multiple children.
I am currently trying to decide if I want more than one. It’s tricky! Balancing a full-time career and one small child (9-months-old) is challenging enough. Investing all my emotional and financial resources (and carefully watching that I don’t add unnecessary pressure) in one child seems like a great plan–imagine what an enriching life she could have–the full attention of two loving parents, vacations, traveling, consistent help with homework, reliable fans at all her performances/sports events, etc.!
On the other hand, I grew up the oldest of four children (2 girls, 2 boys) and absolutely loved “playing mommy” to my three younger siblings and I cherish the sweet, close and unique relationship I have with my sister, Leah, as adults. I take this into account.
I recently read this article on how being a sister makes children kind–food for thought–http://abcnews.go.com/Health/MindMoodNews/sister-makes-kinder-person/story?id=11322440&page=2.